REDEYE GIVES SEAKITTENS A BLACKEYE

SO APPARENTLY SOME AT FOX FIND PROGRESSIVE ANIMAL RIGHTS AGENDAS HILARIOUS. AFTER FURTHER RESEARCH OF REDEYE HOST GREG GUTFELD, I FOUND OUT THAT HE BELIEVES MOST LIBERALS ARE CANNIBALS. I SAY LOOK IN THE MIRROR MR. G. REPUBLICANS BELIEVE IN EATING ANIMALS, AND LAST TIME I CHECKED HUMANS ARE ANIMALS TOO.

HOWEVER, HE IS CORRECT IN THAT I OPPOSE THE CONTINUAL HUMAN RAPE OF MOTHER EARTH. AFTER ALL, HUMANS ARE AN INFINITELY EXPANDING SPECIES ON A FINITE PLANET. BUT HE MAKES THE MISTAKEN ASSUMPTION THAT I BELIEVE THE HUMAN RACE SHOULD ACTUALLY CONTINUE TO EXIST. CANNIBALISM IS A MEANS OF SURVIVAL, SO NATURALLY I DO NOT BELIEVE IN IT.

THIS MIGHT LEAD SOME TO ASK ABOUT HOW I SURVIVE, BUT I DO NOT WANT TO GET INTO MY PERSONAL LIFE. ATTACK THE ARGUMENT, NOT THE SOURCE, AS I ALWAYS SAY. HOWEVER, IF GUTFELD REALLY WANTS TO KNOW, HE SHOULD COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND TALK ABOUT IT OVER THE BONFIRE IN MY BACKYARD!